


Just Pretend

by lotusk



Series: sukai fireflies au [4]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with eventual happy ending like not here but later I promise, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Eventual Friends to Lovers, Jongin is sad I'm so sorry jongin, M/M, Pining, Secret Crush, Suho hugs, Suho takes care of jongin like always, Teen Angst, Unrequited Love, banana milk is the all-cure, hurt comfort, the answer is no, will I ever write a BTY Au fic without banana milk?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 00:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7552669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotusk/pseuds/lotusk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongin's heart is breaking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> This oneshot is part of my fireflies sukai series. No happy ending for sukai here but there will be a very very happy ending for them in the main fic: [Back to You](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3247934). 
> 
> This story takes place about 3-4 months before the start of _Back to You_.

No more of this, Jongin didn’t need any more of this, he thought as he stumbled down the steps of the bus. He didn’t know what stop this was--didn't know, didn’t care. All he wanted was to stop seeing the two heads bent close together, stop seeing the kiss replaying in his head. They hadn’t even been making out. It had been a chaste kiss but he’d seen the respect and affection in Junmyeon’s eyes as he’d looked down into Sooyoung’s face. Then he was closing his eyes and lowering his mouth to hers and--

Jongin’s mind veered away from the images that came next. He wasn't doing this to himself anymore. He wanted all his feelings for Junmyeon hyung to flow away and trickle into well-hidden cracks where he couldn’t see or reach them anymore even if he was tempted. 

Eyes aching from the pressure of unshed tears, Jongin tried to find somewhere quiet, somewhere he could be alone. Somewhere no one would see or hear his heart breaking. 

_No more_. Jongin dragged his forearm over his eyelids, dislodging the moisture from his eyelashes. His chest felt both full and hollow at the same time. It was almost like he had two hearts right now. One that was tight and overstretched and bursting with pain and one that was shattering to pieces, the fragments floating free like he would never ever feel anything for anyone ever again. 

Where was he? It looked like some kind of vacant lot overgrown with weeds, He really needed to find a bus-stop after this. He'd figure out where he was and how to get home afterwards--after he'd had a moment to calm down. A quick glance at the pavement yielded no curious faces or inquiring eyes and Jongin let out a sigh of relief. He wandered further into the lot and found a few blocks of abandoned concrete. His legs weren't tired but he sat down anyway. 

Unbidden, the kiss crept into his mind again. Of all the people in his school, of all the people in this world, why had his stupid, stubborn heart chosen Junmyeon hyung? As he began to drown in images of Junmyeon's kind eyes and his smile that always looked a little sad even when he was perfectly happy, Jongin's tears began to flow down his cheeks. Salty trails of emotion that stung and pricked his skin.

"Don't cry, Jonginnie." An arm curls around his shoulder like it has many times in the past. But this time is different from all the other times. It's different because for the first time, Jongin is hurt because of Junmyeon. It's not because his older brother Minho was mean to him. It's not because he sprained his arm falling down from the monkey bars. It's not because he got separated from his umma and cried his heart out because he thought he'd never see her again. It's because his stupid heart had decided it would not settle for anyone but Junmyeon. . .even if Junmyeon already had someone else in his heart. 

_Why was life so unfair?_ Jongin swiped the traitorous tears away with the back of his hand, hoping Junmyeon wouldn't notice.

"You don't have to tell me what's wrong but I'll just sit here with you for a while. If that's okay," Junmyeon said in a voice that was kind and soft. Very, very soft. Jongin loved his voice--had always loved it. 

"I called out to you, you know? Near the school gate. You looked so upset and I called out to you but you didn't reply. I was worried so I got on the bus with you and I walked right past you but you didn't notice And you didn't look like you wanted to talk so I just sat a few rows behind you. I'm sorry I followed you, Jonginnie, but I just--I just wanted to make sure you were safe." 

"I'll live." And Jongin suddenly wishes he were eleven again. When he got scratched or cut up, Junmyeon hyung had always cleaned up his wounds and given him banana milk and everything would all be better. But this time it was his heart that was cut up and this was one wound that Junmyeon hyung wouldn't be able to heal. 

"Will this help," Junmyeon asked as he slipped a familiar plastic bottle into Jongin's right hand, one with a green foil cap. Jongin remembered all the times Junmyeon had done this for him and he couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Arms wrapped around him and fingers stroked his hair, and Jongin let himself fall into his embrace. For just a little while, Jongin would pretend that there was no one in this world but the two of them. He could do that, couldn't he? Just for a little while.

"I know I asked you not to cry just now but just cry, Jonginnie. If it helps, just cry, okay?"

And Jongin did. He let his tears and feelings flow away and trickle into well-hidden cracks while Junmyeon stroked his back and his hair and told him about random things he'd read in those science magazines he liked to read. Things like _did you know that a dragonfly has two sets of wings_ and _Atlantic puffins hunt small fish like herring or sand eels_. Jongin didn't really care about the facts but he liked how warm and soothing Junmyeon's voice was.

Eventually, Junmyeon stuck a straw in the banana milk and Jongin finished every drop. Then they just sat there for a while, with Junmyeon's hand wrapped around his, just like they'd always done when they were younger. 

"It's getting dark. We should go." Junmyeon got to his feet and tried to pull Jongin up into standing position. "Come on."

"Don't want to," Jongin said, sounding just a little bit whinier than a fifteen year old should. 

"You know I'd give you a piggy back ride but you're bigger than me now so just stand up, brat."

"Don't want to," Jongin grumbled but he stood up at last and let Junmyeon tug him to the pavement so they could make their way to the nearest bus-stop. Junmyeon's arm felt good across his back and his palm felt good curled around his shoulder. And Jongin could pretend, for just a little while, that there was no one in the world but the two of them.


End file.
